The Key(s) to Letting Go

People seem to have a real tough time with letting go. My natural tendency is to always move towards people, places and things that will help me flourish. So if I am not thriving in an environment, relationship etc, I move on. I have also learned from a lot of teachers and books on the subject, so I shall share them with you. (credit to: Chuck Spezzano for the first parts of the letting go process. This is particularly geared towards relationships, but can be adapted to suit other situations as well.

So, first ask yourself: Are you ready to let go yet? Or are you secretly comfortable in your misery? Because a lot of people say they want to be happy, but really, they don't. Some people don't even believe happiness is possible for them. A lot of people say they want to love and be loved, but really they don't. A lot of people fear love, and that is a fact.

If you do want to move forward, here are some tips that have never ever failed me:

The first step to letting go is recognizing that the relationship (friendship, situation, work/job etc) was shit, if it wasn't you'd still be together. If it was a good healthy relationship it wouldn't have ended, right? It ended for a reason (or many reasons). Write 'em down and don't forget them. You may need the reminder from time to time: It was shit, I want better. I'm moving on.

The next part of letting go is letting the dream die. This is always the worst. Some part of you is holding onto the dream of what the relationship could have been. Not the reality of the relationship, because deep down you know that it was shit. So what is the dream that you can't give up? What did you wish could have been? What was the potential? It's important to recognize the dream for what it is-- because it is NOT reality--only what you wished it could be, but never was. Maybe you had a glimpse if it, or even experienced the dream relationship initially. But in the end, you didn't get what you wanted. That doesn't mean that you can't get what you want/need in the future, it just means you weren't actually ready for it yet!

Loss is hard. But loss also shows us that what we were attached to really could not truely nurish us. And we can get stuck in what we lost-- but in every loss contains a new beginning. You know you are coming thru the other end is when you begin to recognize the gifts that emerge from the pain of the relationship. The gifts, you ask? Yes. The gifts are the lessons, the wisdom gained. The gift is what you were able to learn about yourself. What you learn not to do the next time around. What you learned about what you really need. That is the gift from the pain.

The last part may be the hardest because it involves trust. We have to turn it over to the universe/divine/god, whatever you want to call the higher powers that be. We have to hand over the pain, hurt, loss AND we have to be able to TRUST that the universe is always acting in our best interest--to give the lessons we need to learn, to help us grow, but also give us what we want /need in the future. All this shit is helping you become the person you are meant to be!!!! And you must be able to TRUST that the universe is conspiring to give you what you need.

So, are you open? Are you receptive? Can you trust that you WILL get what you need? A lot of times we can't let go of the past because we don't trust we WILL get what we need in the future.

It is my personal belief that there is no such thing as a broken heart. That the only thing that can be hurt in that way is our ego. Your heart cannot be damaged because the hurt you experience is actually your ego being wounded. Rejection, betrayal, abandonment-- all hurts of the ego. It is the ego that demands reciprocation from others in order to affirm its self-importance. When ever it does not receive this confirmation it feels threatened, offended, hurt, broken down and so on.

I like to imagine my heart as the sun, all powerful, always exuding love in a way that can never be depleted--but is always sustainable and all giving. The sun doesn't pick and choose who it decides to shine its warmth on, it is all inclusive, all encompassing. Your heart is always ready and able to GIVE when needed and also to LET GO when necessary. It is that powerful. It is powerful because the heart is connected to the soul/spirit, which is connected to the infinite/divine. It can never lack.

Every relationship is the right relationship, for as long as it is the right relationship. No need to be needy, no need to cling. We learn what we learn, and stay for as long as the relationship serves the greater good of each partner. And if need be we move on. We move on because we trust that the universe will bring us what we need.

I pray that this helps you to walk forward in life with a fearless open heart.